How I write reviews

typewriter

In a nutshell:

Loves subversion, new takes on old things, breathtaking action clips, hates manwhores (and women-whores – I don’t discriminate that way), detests naive writing and appreciates a happy ending. Loads more to know, if you’re interested. Recently fallen into the habit of writing book reviews, more’s the pity.

My ratings sound like this when I thought more carefully about it:

5* – I’m going to flip on my own head. My acne has magically disappeared. I’ve no more problems. I see some light coming from the sky, and it isn’t anything that I’ve taken to get high. Thanks to your writing.

1* – Pages best remain unstuck and unread. I’m grimacing. What the hell was I even thinking? This is repulsive. Or maybe the writing was just so bloody awful my digestive system went wrong somewhere. Shame on me, for even reading this. Oh wait…or is it shame on…you?

Other starred-ratings fall somewhere in the middle, depending on how I feel about the book on any given day. And I don’t believe in half-stars, like I don’t quite believe in half-arsed reviews.

And if you did believe everything up there, I  definitely applaud that sense of humour. We could actually be friends.

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